What are the guidelines for a dating relationship and the physical boundaries that should not be crossed?
You ask a very good question and one that is difficult to answer fully, but I will try to steer you in the right direction.
First of all, we need to consider
God's design and intent in creating man and woman, male and female. We find
this in Genesis 1 & 2. In Genesis 1:26-28, we learn that God created man
male and female for the purpose of bearing children and having dominion over
the rest of God's creation. In Genesis 2:18-25, we learn that woman was created
to be a helper and companion to the man because it was not good for the man to
be alone. After Eve was created from the rib of Adam and brought to him, God's
Word says: "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and
shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh" (Genesis
Now, how does this relate to
dating and acceptable dating activities? If we consider that God created the
marriage of a man and woman, including the sexual relationship, to be a
lifetime union, how should a dating couple, not yet married, conduct
themselves? Is it acceptable to join their bodies together in sexual union when
they are not united by the life-long union of marriage? The Bible clearly
forbids "fornication," any sexual union outside of marriage.
God says, "Marriage is honourable in all, and
the bed undefiled: but whoremongers [fornicators] and adulterers God
will judge" (Hebrews 13:4). The Bible also says, "Flee
fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body;
but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body" (1 Corinthians
So, how far can a couple go
without sin? Well, Jesus also says: "Ye have heard that it was said by
them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery: But
I say unto you, That whosoever looketh
on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his
heart. And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out,
and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members
should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell. And if thy
right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable
for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body
should be cast into hell" (Matthew 5:27-30). Should a couple do those
things which cause sinful lust and desire in their hearts--even if they do not
actually commit the act of fornication? Rather than do such things as incite
our sinful desires, we should do all in our power to avoid such situations.
While we are not here commanded to literally cut off a hand or foot, we would
do well to cut off those activities which would cause us to sin and jeopardize
our salvation in Christ. In some cases, we may even have to break off a dating
relationship to avoid falling into sin. The Bible tells us, "Put ye on
the Lord Jesus Christ, and make not provision for the flesh, to fulfil the lusts thereof" (Romans
Now, if I may, I will add some
practical advice and insight which, I believe, is based upon Scripture. If you
read 1 John 3:1ff. (as well as other passages), you
will see that God has called us to purity. God desires that we be holy just as
He is holy (Leviticus 19:2; Matthew
To do this, you might try dating (or courtship) in places where you are not alone for extended periods of time. Church services, Bible studies and activities, and family activities are good places to begin. If you wish to spend other time together, walk in a shopping mall, talk in a restaurant, do things together in public places where the temptation and opportunity to sin is not so great. Agree together beforehand on what is, and what is not, acceptable dating behavior. These are suggestions which may help keep your dating relationship pure.
Sad, to say, many have gone too far in dating relationships and then entered into marriages for the wrong reasons. And, many of these have been painful marriages, often ending in divorce, because they were based on sexual attractions and desires rather than upon true love, companionship, and common Christian beliefs and values.
Finally, but perhaps the most important of all, if you have already fallen into sexual sin and impurity, only God can restore that purity in His sight. Don't hide or cover up your sin; it just doesn't work! David wrote: "When I kept silence, my bones waxed old through my roaring all the day long. For day and night thy hand was heavy upon me: my moisture is turned into the drought of summer" (Psalm 32:3-4). When we hide our sins and keep them covered up in our heart, God's hand is heavy upon us--our consciences deeply trouble us. But when we turn to the LORD and confess our sins, there is forgiveness through the shed blood of Jesus. David said, "I acknowledged my sin unto thee, and mine iniquity have I not hid. I said, I will confess my transgressions unto the LORD; and thou forgavest the iniquity of my sin...For this shall every one that is godly pray unto thee in a time when thou mayest be found" (Psalm 32:5,6). John also writes: "If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness...MY little children, these things write I unto you, that ye sin not. And if any man sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous: And he is the propitiation for our sins: and not for ours only, but also for the sins of the whole world" (1 John 1:8,9; 2:1,2). Jesus paid in full for all our sins. When we turn to Him for forgiveness and cleansing, He washes all our sins away and cleanses our souls. Jesus washes us and makes us pure and clean in God's eyes! With God's help, we then seek to keep ourselves pure and unspotted in this unclean and sinful world.
Consider David's prayer after committing adultery and murder (Psalm 51):
HAVE mercy upon me, O God,
according to thy lovingkindness: according unto the multitude of thy tender
mercies blot out my transgressions. Wash me throughly
from mine iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin. For I acknowledge my
transgressions: and my sin is ever before me. Against thee, thee only, have I sinned,
and done this evil in thy sight: that thou mightest
be justified when thou speakest, and be clear when
thou judgest. Behold, I was shapen
in iniquity; and in sin did my mother conceive me. Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts: and in the hidden part
thou shalt make me to know wisdom. Purge me with
hyssop, and I shall be clean: wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow. Make me
to hear joy and gladness; that the bones which thou hast broken may rejoice.
Hide thy face from my sins, and blot out all mine iniquities. Create in me a
clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from
thy presence; and take not thy holy spirit from me. Restore unto me the joy of
thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit. Then will I teach
transgressors thy ways; and sinners shall be converted unto thee. Deliver me
from bloodguiltiness, O God, thou God of my
salvation: and my tongue shall sing aloud of thy righteousness. O Lord, open
thou my lips; and my mouth shall shew forth thy praise.
For thou desirest not sacrifice; else would I give
it: thou delightest not in burnt offering. The
sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God,
thou wilt not despise. Do good in thy good pleasure
unto
You might also consider the words of Isaiah 1:16-18:
Wash you, make you clean; put away the evil of your doings from before mine eyes; cease to do evil; Learn to do well; seek judgment, relieve the oppressed, judge the fatherless, plead for the widow. Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.
I hope this helps answer you question. If you have further questions, please don't hesitate to ask.
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