What are the guidelines for a dating relationship and the physical boundaries that should not be crossed?

You ask a very good question and one that is difficult to answer fully, but I will try to steer you in the right direction.

First of all, we need to consider God's design and intent in creating man and woman, male and female. We find this in Genesis 1 & 2. In Genesis 1:26-28, we learn that God created man male and female for the purpose of bearing children and having dominion over the rest of God's creation. In Genesis 2:18-25, we learn that woman was created to be a helper and companion to the man because it was not good for the man to be alone. After Eve was created from the rib of Adam and brought to him, God's Word says: "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh" (Genesis 2:24). Jesus further explains God's will and intent when He says: "Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female. And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder" (Matthew 19:4-6). God's intent and design in creating woman for the man and joining them together is that theirs be a lifetime union and that man not break that union. It is also within that union that the sexual relationship and the conceiving and bearing of children is to take place.

Now, how does this relate to dating and acceptable dating activities? If we consider that God created the marriage of a man and woman, including the sexual relationship, to be a lifetime union, how should a dating couple, not yet married, conduct themselves? Is it acceptable to join their bodies together in sexual union when they are not united by the life-long union of marriage? The Bible clearly forbids "fornication," any sexual union outside of marriage. God says, "Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers [fornicators] and adulterers God will judge" (Hebrews 13:4). The Bible also says, "Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body" (1 Corinthians 6:18). Therefore, God, who created our bodies, has commanded that we NOT engage in any sexual unions outside of marriage between a man and a woman. Clearly, then, sexual union in a dating relationship before marriage is wrong and sinful.

So, how far can a couple go without sin? Well, Jesus also says: "Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery: But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart. And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell. And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell" (Matthew 5:27-30). Should a couple do those things which cause sinful lust and desire in their hearts--even if they do not actually commit the act of fornication? Rather than do such things as incite our sinful desires, we should do all in our power to avoid such situations. While we are not here commanded to literally cut off a hand or foot, we would do well to cut off those activities which would cause us to sin and jeopardize our salvation in Christ. In some cases, we may even have to break off a dating relationship to avoid falling into sin. The Bible tells us, "Put ye on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make not provision for the flesh, to fulfil the lusts thereof" (Romans 13:14). As Christians, we recognize the weakness and sinfulness of our flesh and try not to provide opportunities for our sinful nature to fulfill its desires. This certainly would include avoiding activities which incite our sinful natures, and places (bedrooms, parked cars, etc.) where our sinful desires are provided ample opportunity to be fulfilled. Even if we do all this, temptation may still come. That is why we are told to "flee fornication" (1 Corinthians 6:18).

Now, if I may, I will add some practical advice and insight which, I believe, is based upon Scripture. If you read 1 John 3:1ff. (as well as other passages), you will see that God has called us to purity. God desires that we be holy just as He is holy (Leviticus 19:2; Matthew 5:48). Also, true love for another human being is not selfish but considers what is good and best for that person (1 Corinthians 13:4ff.). And, true love for another will not move us to try to cause that person to sin against God and jeopardize his or her soul. Therefore, I urge you to practice purity in your dating relationship and to avoid those things which might cause you or another to sin. Don't assume that you can be involved in heavy kissing, touching, etc., without falling into sin. Our flesh is weak--we give in to sin all too easily! Save yourself and your dating partner for a pure and God-blessed sexual union within the bonds of marriage.

To do this, you might try dating (or courtship) in places where you are not alone for extended periods of time. Church services, Bible studies and activities, and family activities are good places to begin. If you wish to spend other time together, walk in a shopping mall, talk in a restaurant, do things together in public places where the temptation and opportunity to sin is not so great. Agree together beforehand on what is, and what is not, acceptable dating behavior. These are suggestions which may help keep your dating relationship pure.

Sad, to say, many have gone too far in dating relationships and then entered into marriages for the wrong reasons. And, many of these have been painful marriages, often ending in divorce, because they were based on sexual attractions and desires rather than upon true love, companionship, and common Christian beliefs and values.

Finally, but perhaps the most important of all, if you have already fallen into sexual sin and impurity, only God can restore that purity in His sight. Don't hide or cover up your sin; it just doesn't work! David wrote: "When I kept silence, my bones waxed old through my roaring all the day long. For day and night thy hand was heavy upon me: my moisture is turned into the drought of summer" (Psalm 32:3-4). When we hide our sins and keep them covered up in our heart, God's hand is heavy upon us--our consciences deeply trouble us. But when we turn to the LORD and confess our sins, there is forgiveness through the shed blood of Jesus. David said, "I acknowledged my sin unto thee, and mine iniquity have I not hid. I said, I will confess my transgressions unto the LORD; and thou forgavest the iniquity of my sin...For this shall every one that is godly pray unto thee in a time when thou mayest be found" (Psalm 32:5,6). John also writes: "If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness...MY little children, these things write I unto you, that ye sin not. And if any man sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous: And he is the propitiation for our sins: and not for ours only, but also for the sins of the whole world" (1 John 1:8,9; 2:1,2). Jesus paid in full for all our sins. When we turn to Him for forgiveness and cleansing, He washes all our sins away and cleanses our souls. Jesus washes us and makes us pure and clean in God's eyes! With God's help, we then seek to keep ourselves pure and unspotted in this unclean and sinful world.

Consider David's prayer after committing adultery and murder (Psalm 51):

HAVE mercy upon me, O God, according to thy lovingkindness: according unto the multitude of thy tender mercies blot out my transgressions. Wash me throughly from mine iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin. For I acknowledge my transgressions: and my sin is ever before me. Against thee, thee only, have I sinned, and done this evil in thy sight: that thou mightest be justified when thou speakest, and be clear when thou judgest. Behold, I was shapen in iniquity; and in sin did my mother conceive me. Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts: and in the hidden part thou shalt make me to know wisdom. Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean: wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow. Make me to hear joy and gladness; that the bones which thou hast broken may rejoice. Hide thy face from my sins, and blot out all mine iniquities. Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from thy presence; and take not thy holy spirit from me. Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit. Then will I teach transgressors thy ways; and sinners shall be converted unto thee. Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God, thou God of my salvation: and my tongue shall sing aloud of thy righteousness. O Lord, open thou my lips; and my mouth shall shew forth thy praise. For thou desirest not sacrifice; else would I give it: thou delightest not in burnt offering. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise. Do good in thy good pleasure unto Zion: build thou the walls of Jerusalem. Then shalt thou be pleased with the sacrifices of righteousness, with burnt offering and whole burnt offering: then shall they offer bullocks upon thine altar.

You might also consider the words of Isaiah 1:16-18:

Wash you, make you clean; put away the evil of your doings from before mine eyes; cease to do evil; Learn to do well; seek judgment, relieve the oppressed, judge the fatherless, plead for the widow. Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.

I hope this helps answer you question. If you have further questions, please don't hesitate to ask.

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