Is "petting" considered going too far with a guy? How far is too far?
You ask: "Is 'petting' considered going too far with a guy? How far is too far?" Certainly, these are good questions and ones which, no doubt, trouble many people in their consciences. In our day, it is a difficult thing for a couple to remain sexually pure before marriage--the pressure is great to give in and join in the ways of those around us in the world. But the result is a troubled and guilty conscience, and especially so for Christians, who know the LORD and what He says in His Word.
In answering your question, I would refer you to Hebrews 13:4: "Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge" (NKJV). When God created woman for the man, back in Genesis, chapter two, He also instituted marriage (a life-long union between a man and woman)(cf. Matthew 19:1ff.). Sexual relationships outside of this marriage union (fornication) and breaking of the marriage union (adultery, whether committed by divorce, desertion, or sexual unfaithfulness) are forbidden and condemned by the LORD God, our Creator. Many would argue that mere "petting" is not adultery or fornication and is therefore OK. However, Jesus points out that fornication and adultery can also be sins of the heart: "Out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies: these are the things which defile a man" (Matthew 15:19,20); and, "Whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart" (Matthew 5:28). The problem with "petting" (if, by "petting," you mean touching or kissing of breasts and genitals) is that it leads to lust, or desire, to have a further sexual relationship. While such activity is appropriate in the marriage bed, it is not so for those who are not married.
One might ask, "Why
strike a match if you don't want a fire?" Or, "Why put gasoline on a
fire if you don't want it to spread?" The problem with "petting"
or sexually stimulating touching outside of marriage is that it incites people
to desire what is not rightfully theirs to have. Again, the Bibles says:
"Every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed.
Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is
finished, bringeth forth death" (James
I know my answer to you is completely out of touch with what most people are doing in our world today. Yet, this is what God's timeless Word teaches. If God says something is wrong, it is wrong regardless of the values and practices of an age or society! This brings me to the aspect of guilt which is so often felt after sexual touching which occurs before or outside of the marriage union. What do you do with the guilt? Take it to the LORD. The Bible says: "If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness...My little children, these things write I unto you, that ye sin not. And if any man sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous: and He is the propitiation for our sins: and not for ours only, but also for the sins of the whole world" (1 John 1:8,9; 2:1,2). If you have engaged in sexual touching, or had a sexual relationship, outside of marriage, turn to the Lord Jesus, admit your sin, and seek His forgiveness. He died on the cross for your sins and the sins of all people, and He rose again in victory. God is gracious and ready to forgive all who call upon Him (cf. Psalm 86:5). In Jesus there is forgiveness! And, in Jesus their is help and strength to amend your life and live for Him!
Finally, if you are being pressured into sexual touching by a guy, I would urge you not to give in to him. Save yourself for your marriage partner and enjoy with him the beauties of God's creation. Even if you one day marry the man who now desires to touch you, wait until you are married and can touch each other without feelings of guilt and shame. God will bless you for following after Him and obeying His will. I might add, if a man will not take "no" for an answer and respect you and your purity now, his love for you is shallow, and it is doubtful that he will treat you with love and respect later, even if you do become his wife.
I hope this helps answer you question. If you have further questions, please don't hesitate to ask.
Reply: Thanks. This is a lot of help. I don't want this to be what is right, but I know it is the way I need to live my life. .. Just one more question... is there any step before petting that is wrong? I have a friend who thinks french kissing is wrong before marriage. I'm not only talking about this, but kissing elsewhere, such as the neck, etc. Thank you so much for the info!
Answer: The Bible does not condemn kissing, whether it be French kissing or kisses on the neck, etc., before marriage. Neither will I. Yet, care must be taken not to arouse desires which go against God's commandments prohibiting adultery and fornication; for, as I told you in my answer to your first question, sin can be in the heart as well as in actions, and too much kissing may also cause one to go too far and sin in actions as well. This means that you and your boyfriend will have to use great care not to be led into temptation by too much kissing and embracing or by too much time alone together. You should also be aware of the fact that a man can often be sexually aroused much more quickly than a woman, and what may seem perfectly innocent to you may cause your boyfriend to struggle with sexual desires.
The Bible admonishes us
to "put ye on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make not provision for the flesh,
to fulfil the lusts thereof" (Romans
I realize too that the commandments and principles of God's Word are not always what we desire or think best for us, but I have learned over the years through both obedience and disobedience that God is always right and His ways are best for us! I hope and pray that you will walk by faith in God's Word and not have to learn this truth the hard way.
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